Wednesday, February 05, 2014

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

nails

my fingers tried to trace the feelings
that still linger when i see your face
in my mind
a labyrinthal landscape
Swirling into the bushes
with no escape
for longing
for searching
that endless bliss
Eyes, dilated, in rapture
a palpation
of blood racing through my veins
into the chambers of my heart;
enchanted,
radiating to each corner of our embrace.
mouths half open
searing teeth that make love to my skin
---rubbing bodies melting into a pond
drowning ourselves
Breathing to each others breathe
In murmurs and moans
a chant of bygone tribes which dances
with the moon
welcoming, anticipating the coming of rain
that drench this parched land
that we are living in
--devoid of laughter
--devoid of dreams
a celabratory hymn
until we sweat amidst the cold
stroking each other to sleep
until then,
my fingers keep on tracing
the buried feelings
recounting the heat
that you bore
into my core
only to find my nails
filled with dirt
filled with defeat

Sunday, January 26, 2014

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

too late & too sleepy



Blame it to miyazaki's "howl's moving castle". I wanna say sorry for those people at the sleeping lounge as they are now wondering why I keep on gasping and holding my voice as I wanna scream with excitement as I watch this movie. But sleeping lounge is the best place in the office to watch movies di ba?! Ahaha!

Next thing I know, I'm too late & too sleepy for fitness. Now my eyebags are working out as well ☹ 

Howl's Moving Castle


just as i thought i'm done watching all anime from studio ghibli, this film surprized me as it pops up the moment i typed in hayao miyazaki on watch32 mobile site. the top entries on their search engine are my favorites (well i think all of them are. from my neighbour totoro, kiki's delivery service, the borrower ariety and so on) then the moment i scrolled down, i found this film at the very bottom, and im glad it's viewable on my mobile as i need to kill some time as i'm waiting for the office gym to be vacant.


the environment and the emotional landscapes remind me of castle in the sky and kiki's delivery service combined. but the plot is quite different and somehow it gives me this certain jolt of warm elation upon realizing that being old is not that bad. i mean, i already had this bargaining with the universe that i would be contended and consider myself lucky to die at 50 as i really don't wanna be a senile old man and be somebody's pain in the ass. but Sofie's experience in this film somehow deviate on that notion, maybe because of the magic hayao miyazaki put her in--- without it, her life could be miserably dull and boring. but hey' all of us can still make magic! in one way or another!

well another hayao miyazaki film that sends me flying.



Saturday, January 18, 2014

Keep the fire and we gonna let it burn


my ideal would be every other day or at least 3 times a week, there are certain months that i can attain that but usually i could only hit the gym twice a week, maybe because i usually jog on weekends and i could consider that as an ultimate workout, not just for the body but also for my restless soul.

my ideal time for gym would be after shift, around 1am or 2am, by then i have the whole office gym for myself. while working out, i can burst out my frustrations, sometimes anger. lifting weights kinda not my thing but i have to for me to gain weight and bulk up my naturally wafer-thin figure. i can dance and sing out loud specially during warm showers. in a way, it's all about de-stressing.

meanwhile jogging around UP ikot make me reminisce and listen to Jam 88.3's "different Sunday"

but if i have the time and resources, i would like to enroll myself for a swimming club. and maybe tennis. and yeah.. pole dancing! then a combination of all working out discipline such as plana forma? but then again, i hate crowd. for me i would lose focus and cannot complete my self imposed routine. since the last quarter of last year, it's been shivering cold here in manila plus the recent holidays pushed me to a nomadic point of gluttony, like gehd! i can't stop myself from eating! like i want to stuff lohts of lohhts of chohclts ohn muhy fohs!

for now, i will stay fit while i'm able. i couldn't imagine myself waking up twice as much as my body.


Monday, January 13, 2014

ano ba talaga?


was romanticizing again with my ever not so coherent love life, maybe i'm still enjoying being single and keep on saying to my friends that i'm still on my 20's and it's my prime time.

ironically, i just broke somebody's heart. or maybe a lot of "someones'"heart.. but hey, i've been hurt a lot of times too. so i consider that to be fair. i just can't force myself to be with someone whom i'm not so sure of. it's always been quality and not quantity, that's how my version of a boy who named Crow keeps on telling me.

i have a friend who used to be my club buddy who turns out to be one of my close friend in terms of club hopping, coffee and ehem, boy hunting. i know who are his crushes and who he fantasized. we got so close that we are getting comfortable sharing secrets. then suddenly, he was struck by cupid's arrow, i mean he fell in love- with this boy whom he just had sex with for a night. i keep on saying him that it could only be a one night stand for christ's sake and that's it! what he is feeling right now is just a temporary glitch! but he's persistent and make "ligaw".

he's very mad about this guy to the extend i have to support him to be with him in a club when i just declared no alcohol for a month. but damn, he is like throwing a big party and treat us with drinks and pica pica. for friendship and "libre" well, sorry, i can't say no to that. but it end up he was busted the same night. the idea was that my friend was too eager and his crush isn't ready. to make story short, my friend was frustratingly shattered. and i become, his automatic cosoler (is there such a noun for that?) and most of the time, his shrink. yeah, he has gone out of his mind and my phone is full of text msges and missed calls. and if we had a chance to talk, we talked for hours, i mean he usually do the talking, having the same story again and again and again. ugh'

my advice and suggested therapies includes watching these films:

1. walt disney's frozen (so that he would consider the notion that knowing somebody for a day and declaring he fell in love with him at the same time is: stupid)

2. 500 days of summer (men, i just love that film, such a classic! although i always see myself as Summer and not Tom but it's a good film movie who just gotten himself into the mad world of brokenhearted)

3. lastly, star cinema's one more chance (well, my friend keep on asking if he still have the chance since he messed up and he blew it big time, so i suggested this film and he might learn some lessons on how to retrieve a short lived love affair)

hopefully he could get over with it. it's stressing the hell out of me. but wait, i'm just wondering, have i also caused someone to be like him?


Wednesday, January 01, 2014

keeping the tradition



watching the 1st sunrise of the year on a shore that I've never been before. It's been raining since I got here, so I'm still lucky to catch even just a glimpse of it.



Yeah, it's my first time here in bora. Since I grew up in an island and I've been to a lot of good beaches around visayas, so bora (for me) is no big deal. But boracay is THE BORACAY. Which constantly gnawing at me every time I see it on magazines and postcards. So finally I made it here and it was an escapade I couldn't fully describe how great it has been



Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Last sunset of 2013


Sail on,




after 5 years



i still find myself rereading this passage again:

"..no matter how far you run. distance might not solve anything"






Monday, December 30, 2013

One of those nights


when u go back to ur room & recount the crazy things u'v been through then tell urself:

what the hell?!



Wednesday, October 16, 2013

after the quake



apart from Baclayon church and the Basilica del Santo NiƱo, Loboc church is one of the heritage sites that is eternally etched in my heart in the Visayas, and this clock tower which forever points at 11:00 o'clock is the closest reference i could get to murakami's hard-boiled wonderland. i've taken this picture 4 years ago when we went to Gia's hometown for their town fiesta.

yesterday's ill fated tremor totally depressed me as i could never see this clock tower ever in this perfect state again. my heart goes to all cebuano's and boholano's who are affected as well as those who are emotionally shattered after the quake.

Tuesday, October 08, 2013

I'm tired and I want to go to bed

i 'm experiencing this some kind of reflective curse.

not so sure how to expound it but here are some cases in point: i have this friend who got a breakout and the very next day, i found a huge zit on my face. one time a friend got his phone snatched in the MRT, then days later mine was snatched in a bus. it goes on and on, to the extend i got this paranoia. or might just too absurd to think like this, an invitational karma.

there's an indicator that it will happen to me, it's not a one instance occurrence,  but it has to be in a repetitive pattern. like if a friend got this malady, then the other friend got the same case, then usually I'm the 3rd victim. i hope it wont level up into a "final destiny" tragedy, that's way too terrible.

recently, my best friend got this problem with sleeping, he might still adjusting with his work sched, then i also have this office mate who has an ongoing sleeping problem as well, one worst scenario is she haven't slept for more than 48 hours. she confided me all the details so i get into what she's going through. aside from her closed friends, i'm the only one in the office know about it. i always advise her to do this and take this, but to no avail. to the extend she has to consult a specialist or a doctor.

then guess what? i got this insomnia. it struck me calmly as an overcast conquered a clear sky.

it started yesterday, Monday. i'm suppose to get out from work at 1am, but monday blues got into me and i ditch work 1 hour earlier, ran out from my bosses and colleagues and  i said i just wanna sleep. usually i sleep around 4am and wake up around 12 noon, i always have this amanda griffin beauty rest principle of 7-8 hours of sleep, which i could normally attained, lesser than that is like no sleep at all.

my phone clock shows 2am, i already had dinner, had a cup of tea and took shower, my usual routine before heading to sleep. i think everyone of us have this early stages of sleep that you reflects what transpired that day or whatever recurrences from a certain era of the past. then those visual episodes interconnects with people, faces, some words some emotional attachments and whatsoever personal details that summarized your life. but sometimes, this stage which in my case, should only take around 30 minutes the most, more than that, it causes me to toss and turn to restlessness.

6am

after roughly 4 hours of dreamless sleep i was wide awake. in my head, i should go back to sleep, but come 6:30 then 7.00am i'm still struggling back to the 1st cyclic stage of sleeping. it worries me cause i still have work later but in a way, it makes me revisit the things i've been through and haven't done lately. so i gave up and surrender the idea of sleeping the amanda griffin way, had coffee in the early morn, grab hot pandesal and bask myself in that early morning sunshine, mygehd! i miss that, it's weird because even here in the Philippines, tropical country as it is, i think very few  can enjoy early morning sunshine and consume the vitamin D and vitality it could bring. most people are still asleep from graveyard shift or hurrying up to the  offices, they cannot spend 30 mins or more sitting lazily by the porch having coffee or smoke and feeling the warmth of the sun on their skin and say hey, im having early morning sunshine?!

so there, i don't know if i could still consider it as a reflective curse, but i hope i could pass by some friends who will beam that they just had 8 hours undisturbed sleep.

Thursday, September 19, 2013

tara, punta tayo don'


riri's post concert picture at moa

Monday, September 16, 2013

on: things that are not meant to be should remain as it is.

i tried to fight against it before (and sometimes up until now, ehem) but instead of being a hero, most of the time you become a zero.

oh well, as saying old says that the more you push the more u break. so i should remind myself to keep my chill & remain intact.

have a good day!

Thursday, August 29, 2013

it is somebody's birthday today



Published initially in the Harper's magazine in 2003 then later was also published in the Guardian in 2006, Haruki Murakami’s "Birthday Girl" tells of a girl who made a wish when she was twenty, working her shift in a restaurant.

For the full story you can click on this link:
huffy berthday betch'

I always think of this story whenever it's my bday or somebody else's is. Well, I always consider someone is being considerably blessed with the old man's message:

“Happy birthday, may you live a rich and fruitful life, and may there be nothing to cast dark shadows on it.”

Photography: EJ Revelo





Monday, August 19, 2013

yeah yeah, u got it'

I still believe that there are still a lot of people who doesn't have to flaunt in social networks that they are happy or ecstatic, posting pictures bragging about their dinner, drinks, new shoes or whatever. 

What important is, you know that you are lucky and blessed, and let your heart pulsate its gratitude to the universe with grace. 

All is full of love.

Friday, July 12, 2013

Confessions (official entry Eiga Sai 2013)


I'm still disturbed (and was really impressed) with the film Confessions, an entry for this year's Eiga Sai. 

Based on Kanae Minato’s disturbing novel, I was gripped from the beginning 'til the end. I felt so lucky and grateful seeing it on a big screen since most of this kind has limited international release. With its poetic images and linear but extreme narrative, I consider this as one of the best asian films I've ever seen. 

It is a psychological thriller that serves this main course: primal urge for vengeance over deep-seated hatred.




Wednesday, July 03, 2013

Tom Jones n'ako!


I don't know which started first: there was this waft of fried chicken in the air when all of a sudden i realized i haven't taken my dinner yet. Or was it because I haven't taken my dinner yet that's why i noticed this waft of fried chicken in the air?

One thing for sure is that I'm starving.

So I went inside this fast food chain where they serve this crispylicious chicken joy. The moment I get inside, there's a long queue greeted me with horror that I might end up fainting. But I'm determined that tonight I'll eat what I'm craving for: Two piece chicken joy meal on a hot sauce and sunny side up egg and upsized french fries. But the line took forever and my mind took its own liberty to divert my hunger pang to series of memories:

Bacolor Pampangga.

It's one of my spur of the moment travel itinerary when I decided visit a church where an indie film "Jay" (feat: coco martin and baron geisler) was filmed. in between riding tricycle to the lahar dipped church, I can hear locals speaking in Tagalog or at times, kapangpangan. As a Cebuano, it's something new to me and it feels like I'm on a taping of Maalala mo kaya or Jesica Soho reports.

Then I had this picture which coco and barron sort of having a wedding? Sorry my mem'ry is quite vague.





tagalog o filipino?

The moment I migrated here in manila. I have to speak in tagalog, and my tagalog is derived from my grade school Filipino lessons which most terms are quite archaic or malakas maka francisco balagtas!

McDonalds, Morayta

Was waiting for a go signal from my art criticism teacher for a museum visit when I sort of practicing my tagalog/filipino and was able to write this tula upon seeing a cute UST dude reviewing for an exam across my table:

isang liham

kinakailangan pa ba ng
bigkis ng sining at agham

upang maintindihan ang
iyong mga nakatagong liham

na wari'y sumasalaysay
sa himig ng yung pagkukunwari

kung saan tumitimbang
ang mga sari saring

aspeto ng kaunlaran at kasukdulan
sa kwentong tila walang patutunguhan

isang liham na di matapos tapos
di maipasok sa bote at

di maitapon
sa dagat ng katiyakan


AS lobby, UP Cebu

We had this theater workshop when we have to convince the facilitator to give us one peso by saying:

Taga-i ko piso.. Kay gigutom ko. Taga-i ko piso.. Kay gigutom ko. Taga-i ko piso.. Kay gigutom ko. Taga-i ko piso.. Kay gigutom ko. Taga-i ko piso.. Kay gigutom ko. Taga-i ko piso.. Kay gigutom ko. Taga-i ko piso.. Kay gigutom ko. Taga-i ko piso.. Kay gigutom ko. Taga-i ko piso.. Kay gigutom ko. 

Again and again and again until the facilitator finally was convi..

Suddenly, my reminiscing spell broke when unexpectedly, one the fast food crew, came to me and asked for my order. Was totally surprised and still in the verge of my golden memories, plus puyat and gutom, kaya napahawak ako sa kamay nya, look her in the eye at biglang bumula yung bibig ko in broken tagalog:

"Miss! nag cracrave ako ng two piece chicken joy With extra egg and french fries please! Naway itoy maiserve sa pinaka mabilis na panahon. Parang awa!"

Just like the other customers around me, the lady crew was surprised with my "surprised state" and took my order in total shock. Then she hurriedly announced it in the kitchen. Weird enough I got my meal first than the people lining up before me. Was kinda embarrassed, looked for a table in the corner and took my dinner in silence.



Thursday, June 20, 2013

multiply RIP

was totally saddened when i just found out (yeah, rather too late) that multiply account already closed their social network services &  i can no longer retrieve my pictures & other files.

i tried to plead the 5th imperial stout out of cyber oracle (read google) but to no avail. there's no way to retrieve these supposedly "frozen to eternity" images.

out of hundreds and hundreds of pics, these are the only ones that i was able to retrieved & xferred to fb way back then..


i just hate the idea of snap shot memories downsized to digital image which is simply a numeric representation of a two-dimensional image. when accumulated these gigabytes worth of files can either be stored and crammed to your limited hardrive or memory card. most often than not, one simply upload it to social network sites as personal copies or to share it with friends and relatives rather printing it out and make an old school album.

i remembered my mother cried when some of our old albums were drenched with typhoon rains. totally blurred 1900's pictures can never be resurrected unless one of us has a kinda sorta photographic telekinesis that can separate the inks and put them on their original positions.

kung naa man gani tawo nga ing ana, nah' mulabad gyud iyang ulo! foh shu! 

what a convenience of uploading it to internet and has the assurance of not having these drenched by rain water?! but once a social network can no longer support (which is inscribed on their lengthy and not so reader friendly terms and conditions) and simply shut down their systems together with your memories. these treasured images, just like what happened to most of my pictures in multiply, were sucked into a vacuum of nothingness. like, OMIGEHD! even a minute bitmap of it is all gone, no bones nor ashes. (im gonna cry now)

i cannot imagine if this could also happen to facebook, there would be a major raucous from this impending cock-up to the social network universe.

i wish multiply could at least let their website become a grave site for old files, even if they don't continue with their profit driven scheme, they would have donated made a way their site as a headstone to modernity and humanity.

Monday, June 17, 2013

nagayuma



one of the places i really wanna go the moment i migrated here in QC is Gayuma ni Maria, which is located in the guts of sikatuna village.



Which surprises me because it is just quite a quaint place, but surreally wide enough for your mind to wander.



The moment you get in, the ambiance and the aroma of the brewing coffee would snap that sense of harsh reality and set that fond intimacy of living the moment, a lingering experience of here and now.



here you can just drink your coffee and savor your mouthwatering desserts while talking with your companions, or if you wish and if it is deem necessary, go talk to yourself, it's no big deal on one of their secluded tables. talking to yourself is not just a crazy fool's habit but you can do it as well by doing a monologue or soliloquy if you demand for an audience other than yourself --- let’s say an imaginary friend.



better yet, read a novel or you can write poetry. Write love letters and hang it on their tree of love. The best option would be: simply reflect and dream. Yes, this is a place conducive for dreaming as, i think, the proprietor, Maria (biyayaan ka nawa) is a dreamer herself, so she set this place with a hypnagogic blanket and all you have to do is hover around, give yourself a gastronomical treat and let the time passed you by (I hope she would agree with me on that).



with sars, cherry and karl. 
photos by Cherry Arellano ---the one sitting and aimlessly smiling above =)
 'til the next!





Sunday, June 16, 2013

ewan, basta!

at tulad ng isang di inaasahang pagkakataon,
andon siya, nakaupo.

naka titig sa isang lalake
na hiling ay sana naging isang babae

isang abandonada,
lahat ng inaasam asam ay biglang naglaho

isang abandonada
wari'y inaagnas, napag iwanan ng tadhana.

habang ako,
wari'y naninigas, nakatitig sa kanya

nabibighani? ewan.
gusto ko siya? pwede. basta

inaasam asam, na siya na sana
ang tinadhana para sa akin

at sana
di siya biglang maglaho

at sana
di na, maging isang abandonada

subalit,datapwat, pagkat
di nya pa ako nakikilala

Monday, June 03, 2013

the mourning after


Those moments when Sars & I have this urge to see the sea after singing & drinking our hearts out along kalye nakpil in malate. 

We always have our very own intimate concert then we end up with this kind of applause for the coming day before we doze off 




*photos taken at manila de bay

Saturday, June 01, 2013

let's get lost, in the woods



Summer just slipped momentarily into its cove like a hermit crab suddenly detects someone walking nearby. I couldn’t bear to remember how hot April and May months were. I dunno if it is not as terrible as Cebu’s coastal city, but here in Quezon city, the throngs of acacia and fire trees somehow dilutes the fiery breeze that could turn waters into vapors.

In between taking shower and turning the AC in full blast, summer in the city is just hot. Most posts in my BB social keeps on whining how hot it is, from bbm to twitter to facebook. If only I could just simply take a 2 month vacation leave with pay, I would go north, in Sagada or the coastal shores of Batanes. But I’m stuck here in Quezon City and the only way I could divert this fever is to take a brisk walk and get lost in the woods. A moment when you could just dash against uncertainties and find yourself, breathing, living.

Just the way we get lost ourselves every time we run from something, it might sound to be very escapist but most times, the only thing to do is run. And there are times, when there’s this urge to dance, to drink and sing.

Summer nights were spent more on going to the clubs, beer garden and karaoke bars with my new “mareh” and her name is Sars. She’s only 23 and she’s a mother of 3 children. I like her coolness, the way she deal and solve her daily struggles and her demons. I like her more than any other girl in the office who just keeps on whining or raising lady lazarus with their rantings.

It’s been raining for almost one week now, and the once dusty sidewalk are now filled with mini pools which I like seeing my hand half raised while seeing it touching the sky. Wish I can just stay at home and cuddle with someone whole day long, instead I’m in the office. While having this post and working my ass off this Saturday, I could see Sars’ empty seat right behind me, getting jealous of how that absence means, she probably be somewhere, losing herself, in the woods.


Tuesday, May 28, 2013

kasagbotan

kagoul ang imong hamog
na nisakop sa akong pag inusara
dinhi sa kaniadtong kaumahan,
nga gimpistahan sa mga balili
sa walay kasayuran

wala baya ni uwan kagabii
pero ang lapok sa imong mga mata
nag sagol sa imong naminhod nga kasing kasing
na wala na gyuy makit-ang pag abi abi
unsa pa kahay katin'awan
sa paglantaw---lapos sa sapa sa akong gibati?

ambot kung nahanaw ba
o kun daw sama sa sinuka
gikan sa tiyan nga walay sulod
o sa atay na walay hilisonon
ang pag gawas sa apdo
ang pagbuto sa kapait diha sa baba nga way dila
usa ka alimogmog
resulta sa mga matang sa pang hilawas
mahatungod sa klase klaseng mga panghitabo
nga ang mga bukton ug ang mga tiil
nag abot didto
sa tunga tunga
sa alimpulo sa atong panaghiusa
kaniadtong, nag uban pa tang duha

asa naman tong yuta, nga atong dapat bungkagon
asa naman tong liso, nga atong dapat itanom
asa naman to itugsok? dinhi sa kasagbotan?

usa ka misyon na dili gyud matuman
human sa pila ka tuig nato nga walay
pag tagad, sa walay pag panghilabot
nya inig gabii
dungan sa pag yawyaw sa mga gangis
ug pagkotkot sa mga ulod
ang atong kaniadtong uma
wala nay matamnan pa

Monday, April 29, 2013

forVERA



just a simple and amateurish video for my friend's bday.
well, it's her special day
so "this" i consider a special dedication.

Happy Birthday Vera Leigh.

=)

Sunday, April 28, 2013

plate number what?



found this in the corner of my unorganized "my docu" folders. i almost forget about this.

it was one of our charcoal plate under sir Munds class, when we have the whole time to get lost in light and space, and we find our hands in between the surface of an agitated paper, eventually noticing our dusty fingers.

i wish the original still exists. i'll ask my mother about it. i hope by talking to her i wont find out that it's already eaten by termites--- or (worse) got lost in the darkness, to forgetfulness.

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